Within the next 2 weeks; I will offically be a single mom. Not just any single mom but a single mom that has found out she has thyroid cancer. Amazingly if it were not for the baby, I may not have found out about the cancer until it was too late. The cancer is in the very early stages and I am hopeful that it will be behind me by the begining of 2011. My doctor has said the prognosis is good; I'm praying the Dr. he refered me to says the same thing; I know I will breathe a sigh of relief when this is behind me.
As for my story, I'm a single mom. The father is not in the picture and as scared as I am I can do this and I know I can. The irony is that I have always admired my friends who were single moms; they are like superwoman in street clothes to me. They seem so fearless; yet I'm scared to death. I find myself questioning everything and worrying that I'm already making the right decisions for my son and he's not even taken his first breath. I don't think I'm being over cautious I just want to know I'm own the right track and right now that track is very blury.
I'm a Christian and God has pulled every security blanket and every thing I usually depend on away in the last few months to help me learn to lean on him more. For example; I lost my job as a teacher @ the end of the year; every interview I have had since then has been a closed door. Nothing says hot mess in a dress like being in your 30's single, expecting a baby and jobless.
I firmly believe that when God closes a door he opens a window and it has been a test these last few months; knowing this baby is on his way and I am still without a job. Now I understand though; I'm about to be too sick to work; so it's best I stay home with my son in the begining and bond with him; get past this hurdle and trust God to open a door for a job as 2011 unfolds.
While I did not exactly anticpate being a mom I am excited to no end. I find myself wondering who he will look like, what type of music will he like, what sports will he like. There are 40 million unanswered questions that only time will answer. I'm looking forward to the next page of my journey where I will meet Landon Gabriel. I can't wait to see what lies ahead for both of us. I will write more soon.
