He is here~

Landon Gabriel took his first breath @ 9:30 AM on October 4, 2010. He weighed 7bls and 11 oz and is 19 3/4 inches long. He is a very happy healthy baby. I was not able to see him till around 2:30 because he was under observation since he was a c-section baby and I had developed diabetes. They monitored him for several hours. When they finally brought him to me I was estatic. We spent several days in the Hospital and came home late Thursday night. I was exausted; however, my little man seemed to have had a 2nd wind. I am working on getting him on a sleep schedule; he seems to have his days and nights mixed up; hoping to fix that soon. I am very thankful for him. This is hard though I'm having all these emotions including anger, happyness, sadness, joy and so many others. I feel like i'm on a roller coaster of emotions right now. I hope I can get things straight soon. I hope we can hurry up and have my 2nd surgery and put all of this behind us. For now though, I'm going back to play wiht my baby; he's starting to wake up. :)

A few days to go

As I sit here sleeplessly awaiting the arrival of Landon. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and anxiety. I'm so anxious to meet him; and yet over a thousand times before I have told my friends enjoy these last few days of sleep. They always just rolled their eyes. Now I totally get it; i'm so ready and nervous that I can't sleep. I have tried 3 times tonight; still not working. So at 5 am I give up and do what I do best; write myself to sleep. And it's working. I feel the stress melting away as I try to type this all out. I have about a million thoughts and can't keep them straight. People to call, housework to do, things to finish; more laundry to wash so on and so forth. I know I will get it all done but I still lay here feeling him kick and wonder what he's going to be like. Who will he act like, look like, what type of music is he going to write. Will he be artisitic or pratical? Will he develop my eclectic taste? Will he be a people pleaser like me or march to the beat of his own drum? The thoughts fill my mind; I'm thankful for them. I thank God right now that I have something to fill my brain with other than being sick; I'm thankful that I have years of future to look forward to and it gives me more strength to fight. I read a quote one day that said when she feels she can't go on she just looks in her son's eyes and sees the reason to keep fighting. That's my anthem right now only instead of looking in his eyes; I just rest my hand on my stomach and let him kick me and roll. I pray that everything will work out for the better in the end and that Landon and I will be just fine. :)

My Story The Beginings

Within the next 2 weeks; I will offically be a single mom. Not just any single mom but a single mom that has found out she has thyroid cancer. Amazingly if it were not for the baby, I may not have found out about the cancer until it was too late. The cancer is in the very early stages and I am hopeful that it will be behind me by the begining of 2011. My doctor has said the prognosis is good; I'm praying the Dr. he refered me to says the same thing; I know I will breathe a sigh of relief when this is behind me.

As for my story, I'm a single mom. The father is not in the picture and as scared as I am I can do this and I know I can. The irony is that I have always admired my friends who were single moms; they are like superwoman in street clothes to me. They seem so fearless; yet I'm scared to death. I find myself questioning everything and worrying that I'm already making the right decisions for my son and he's not even taken his first breath. I don't think I'm being over cautious I just want to know I'm own the right track and right now that track is very blury.

I'm a Christian and God has pulled every security blanket and every thing I usually depend on away in the last few months to help me learn to lean on him more. For example; I lost my job as a teacher @ the end of the year; every interview I have had since then has been a closed door. Nothing says hot mess in a dress like being in your 30's single, expecting a baby and jobless.

I firmly believe that when God closes a door he opens a window and it has been a test these last few months; knowing this baby is on his way and I am still without a job. Now I understand though; I'm about to be too sick to work; so it's best I stay home with my son in the begining and bond with him; get past this hurdle and trust God to open a door for a job as 2011 unfolds.

While I did not exactly anticpate being a mom I am excited to no end. I find myself wondering who he will look like, what type of music will he like, what sports will he like. There are 40 million unanswered questions that only time will answer. I'm looking forward to the next page of my journey where I will meet Landon Gabriel. I can't wait to see what lies ahead for both of us. I will write more soon.