The Walk

 I'm still extremely tired and very grouchy at times; I'm asking about that on Wednesday when I see my Doctor; he said I should be feeling more like my old self...I hate to break it to you Doc...it's not happening and quiet frankly it's frustrating me. I do not have time to be a walking zombie; I have a job to find. It's really scary knowing I may have to move at a moment's notice. I'm having to 100% trust God with this one. If I start worrying about day care and apartments right now I will probablly have a massive panic attack. It's not that I am not thinking about it; I know where to start but my first priority has to be landing the job interview. I have general ideas about where to look for apartments and day care in every city I am applying for but there is not much use in me looking too far into it until I know where God is leading me for a job. I trust there is a school for me. It may be here in my home town; or it may be far away from here. I pray my family remembers that if I have to move it's out of necesity to provide for Landon; not because I want to. First of all the thought of moving and truely raising Landon on my own sends me into a panic; I know God is with me and will never give me more than I can handle and he has a plan for us. I have to to trust God completely.  I would love to be able to find something locally and stay; but it may not be where God wants me. I'm giving it to him. Yes a local position means not having to worry about finding an apartment so fast; or day care and I don't have to find a new church...those are all positives. But what if God has another school for me. What if the students God wants me to reach are not here; what if they are in another city?  I found a job with a school today that is not teaching but would be right up my alley working with at risk kids. I can't help but wonder if God may have a job like that for me. Yes it's way out of my comfort zone and far from home but so many times I have said I'm giving it to God but then I try to take over because I don't like the direction my life seems to be going. I have to trust God to put us where he wants us. I have to do this right; I have to lead by example and show Landon how to trust God completely even when you are scared to death. The thought of moving away from my friends and family right now makes me panic; but something tells me that may be where I am supose to be. I alway try to stay in my comfort zone but that's not always where God wants us; we don't grow that way. I have to push kids out of their comfort zone to help them become better readers. If they only read the easy books; they will never become advanced readers. God may be doing that with me now. He may be pushing me where I have to depend on him totally.
With everything that has happened this year I see where God has opened doors for me that I never expected. I have been in contact with old friends I have not talked to in years. Friends who hold me accountable for my actions and my faith. Friends that when I was younger helped me Walk the Walk and not just Talk the Talk. That's the problem; at the begining of this year I was just talking the talk. My walk was not where it needed to be at all. (thus how I became a single mom) Through all of this I have realized my walk will be the most important thing I teach Landon over the next 18 years. My job is to help him become the man God wants him to be while still becoming the Woman God wants me to be. It's going to be a delicate balance but I know with God's help I can do it. Walking the walk is the best gift I can give Landon ever.